So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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