He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
