im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
