He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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