even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
