You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize