I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
