That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
