her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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