she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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