I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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