he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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