I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize