I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
