she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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