Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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