with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
