at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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