So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Boobs are out for the taking
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
