Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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