i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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