Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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