I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
