Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
be right there i have to get my cape
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
