do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
