Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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