I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
