So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
