I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
