my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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