She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
