At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
