She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
