There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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