Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
