I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
