She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
