I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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