First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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