so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
