I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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