he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
