Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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