I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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