you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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