Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
