He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
we should paint friendship bongs
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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