He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
