I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
