11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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