if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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