I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
