Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
