You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
