We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm bleeding and have questions
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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