if i can run in heels then i can drive
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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