Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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