is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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