please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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