Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
