i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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