heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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