So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
