Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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