My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
