pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
