i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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