I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
