someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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