I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
4 words: hood of his car
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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