I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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